I wish we could do a case study in one of my service operations classes about comcast, just to point out how horribly bad they are at everything they do.

I have had comcast TV and internet service for well over a year now. Back when I got it, I set up my account to auto-pay: my balance would hit each month, and each month, automatically, it would be paid from my bank account. I turned off my paper statements, and brushed my hands of the whole situation. OBVIOUSLY by me enrolling in this program, the whole point was that I wouldn’t have to check an account every month and do something with it. Hence the term “automatic”.

So, back in november I moved to my current location in homepark. Plugged my equipment in and it all worked (internet, HD, everything). However the TV service was rather fuzzy on a few stations, not at all what I would expect to get when paying for $62 HD digital TV service. So, I rang Comcast up and asked why my service wasn’t up to snuff.

They then inform me that my service has been cancelled, the line has been shut off, and they don’t know who I am. WTF? So we go through the whole process of, yes, I have moved, so I need to get my service transferred. Well, they don’t “transfer” service. So they are trying to get me to pay setup and initialization fees to get my service turned on.

Listen you little fucktwits, my service is ALREADY on, its just kinda shitty. I’m not gonna pay a $75 setup fee to have a service turned on that is already on, I just want you to FIX it. So after getting to talk to a manager, everything was straightened out, my TV channels flipped to crystal clear digital the next day, rainbows poured down from the heavens, butterflies danced in the wind and unicorns were trouncing around in fields of tulips and dandilions.

So, fast forward to yesterday. I come home, flip on the ole tele, and I just have a message that says “This channel will be available in a minute. Thank you for your patience”. All the channels say that, and after 20 minutes of waiting, I call the bitches up to find out whats wrong.

Well, turns out my account has been suspended.

“Why”, I said?
“You have a balance of $219.33, which has gone unpaid since January 1st”, the retarded gimp of an operator replied.
“Hmm I’m confused… why is my balance that high?”, I said.

He then proceeds to list, item by item, charge by charge, how my balance progressed from $0.00 to $219.33. Including two $6 late charges for not paying my bill on time.

“No, idiot. I’m not confused as to what generated the charges. I’m confused as to why the bill hasn’t been paid, period. I’ve been enrolled in automatic payments for over a year”, I said.
“Ah… one second sir, let me look up your other account”, he said.
“Other account? Why the fuck do I have two accounts?”
“When you moved addresses, we create you a new account.”
“That sounds like your problem, not mine.”
“Yes, here we are. I see you were enrolled in automatic payments. When you moved to your current address, that was all reset. You will need to go online and re set it up.”
“Why was it reset? Did I tell you to stop? Did I ever contact you and tell you to stop the auto-matic payments?”
“No sir, it gets reset when we created your new account.”
“THATS NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM. Maybe, just maybe, it would have been nice for someone to TELL me that when I moved, and had this phantom new hidden account made for me, that my auto-payments wouldn’t transfer over, and that I would start getting charged late fees.”
“Yes, sir, that would probably be a good idea.”
“So what is my balance again?”, I said.
“$219.33.”
“No its not. It’s $207.33, isn’t it. Because I know you aren’t going to fucking charge me late fees on unpaid balances that YOU shit eating fuckups caused, now ARE you”, I said.
“No sir, your balance is now $207.33. Now if you would like, I can defer part of that balance until the next 3 billing cycles, to give you time to pay it.”
“WTF? I’m not fucking poor. I wipe my ass with hundred dollar bills, my ability to pay your peddling little bill is not the issue here, the issue is why do you people continually, day in, day out, fuck up every possible thing you do, and then pretend like its my fault, without even telling me? I just want this situation resolved, immediately.”

So at that point he transfered me over to their automated, press-the-god-damn-numbers-till-your-fingers-bleed phone based payment system. I paid my stupid balance, I went back online and re-enrolled in automatic payments, and I swear to god, if my service ever gets turned off again, I’m going to personally go down to comcast and rip their eyeballs out.