Say Goodbye To The World You Thought You Lived In

Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!”

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o’clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.”

I said, “Thanks, Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!” We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day…

We don’t need to go straight back to the office, Do We?” I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s drop by my apartment; it’s just around the corner.” After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake … Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”. And I just sat there… On the couch… Naked.

Every monday and thursday morning at 8 am, I take the bag of trash out of the kitchen trash can, walk 8 feet to the front door, and place it outside next to the mat.

Magically, when I get home from work, the trash is no longer there.  Along with everyone else’s trash that was picked up.  Of all the amenities in our place, that has to be the one that I love the most.

Yes, this is atlanta.

Blinding sadness is finally having a chance to see a Monster Jam! Monster truck show, actually convince your friends to go, only to then watch the tickets be sold out at the last minute because you waited too long in hope that even more friends would want to go as well.