So a couple days ago I went down to publix to buy myself a Jimmy Deans Sausage & Egg bowl, and also to pick up some food for hobbes.

I came back upstairs and gave him breakfast and plopped my bowl of deliciousness in the microwave.  After a couple minutes, I realized — hobbes wasn’t eating his.

Now, hobbes not eating his breakfast is highly, highly irregular.  Normally he has cat sonar for when food is even a remote possibility.  So I walk around the apartment, calling him.  Nothing.

I search around for a good 5 minutes and then start to get worried.  Did he run out the front door while I wasn’t looking?  Impossible.

So, fearing the worse, I walk out onto our balcony, which we always leave open when its nice weather.  Sometimes he chills out there in the sun.

I look down… and 50 feet below me, down in the bushes, there’s his ass just chilling under the bushes.  I’m like HOBBES!!! and he looks up and goes “rawr?”  and i’m like what the fuck, cat, what the fuck are you doing 5 stories south of where you’re supposed to be?  So I go running out the door, thinking, its finally happened.  We always knew this was how it was going to end, didn’t we?  With your constant obsession with jumping up ON the railing, walking on the OUTSIDE of the railing on the balcony, almost falling how many times but saving yourself at the last second?

I got down there expecting to bone and blood everywhere, but nah.  He just strolls out of the bushes like “Oh hi, whats up?  Nothing strange about me being 5 stories down here, nothing at all.  Perfectly cool.  How are you?” and i’m like OMG WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

So I feel him all over and somehow, I can’t find any broken bones.  No blood.  No kitty brains splattered anywhere.  I bring him back up and he walks up the stairs by himself, perfectly fine.  We walk back in the door and he’s like “Oh sweet, breakfast!” and just starts eating.  I’m just standing there rubbing my head, wondering what the hell I’m doing with my life.

Well, fast forward to now, and he’s developed a limp on his front right leg.  Either I didn’t notice it at first or he just had adrenaline blocking the pain, but he has a definite limp now.  It doesn’t seem to stop him from doing anything — he still runs around and jumps up on crap, he just does so with a limp.  So what the hell, cat?  If it hurts, why are you running around?  If it doesn’t hurt, why are you limping?

Either way I am going to take him to the vet now… and if they say he needs $5k in surgery, well, looks like that 5 story fall is what killed you after all, in a round about way.  Dumb ass cat, what the hell?