Some people on this fine planet of ours are pretty well fucked from the get go.  For the sake of brevity lets just pass on by those poor saps born without a face or an extra arm or something.  There’s kids in africa born into abject poverty who don’t live past 2.  There’s kids in India who grow up wallowing in filth.  Make it to your teens in singapore and you get sold as a sex slave.  Or in china, where you get to spend your life in a factory stapling together Nikes.  People living in mud huts, or catching malaria, or getting aids, or living in the desert, all sorts of just awful crap can befall people living in under developed countries.  In fact, and lets be honest here, pretty much the huge MAJORITY of people living in 3rd world places really don’t have much of a chance to make an outstanding life for themselves, at least compared to a middle class person living in a westernized country.

So lately I’ve just found it kind of amusing the kinds of petty things people complain about.  I think we all do it throughout the day without even noticing it.  It’s actually pretty funny, so I’m going to start keeping a log of the good ones I hear.  After each quote we come across on this blog post, just imagine a group of rambunctious 6 year olds throwing their hands in the air and giving their best bwaa-bwwaahhh faces and in sing-songy voices going “Uh - Oh !  First Woooorld Proooooblems! ”

These are all actual quotes from friends or family that I’ve heard recently — names were changed to protect the innocent though.

• Person 1:  “I’m going to pick up donuts from Dunkin tomorrow, for everyone in the office.  How many boxes should I get?”
  Person 2:  “Ugh Dunkin Donuts sucks.  Why the heck can’t you get Krispy Kreme instead?”

  First World Problems!
  

• Person 1:  “I hate how this text editor makes me double click on files to open them.  Why the hell can’t I set it to open it by single clicking on a file?”

  First World Problems!

• Person 1:  “Hey get me a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos from the closet will you?”
  Person 2:  “Looks like we’re out, all we have is Nacho Cheesier Doritos.”
  Person 1:  “Ah what the fuck, come on.”

  First World Problems!
  

• Person 1:  “Oh I hate these national brand trash bags.  I can never find where the seams are to tear the next one off of the roll.”

  First World Problems!
  

• Person 1:  “800 channels of digital television and not a single one of them is playing Family Guy.  This blows.”

  First World Problems!
  

• Person 1: (holding a cigarette) “Hey anyone got a lighter?”
  Person 2: “Nope”
  Person 3: “Not me”
  Person 4: “I don’t smoke”
  Person 1:  “Ugghhh I have to walk all the way out to my car now?”

  First World Problems!
  

• Person 1:  “I hate this stupid light.  It takes foreeevvveerrr to give me a green turn signal.”

  First World Problems!
  

• Person 1:  “Trying to finish my tax rebate, creating 2 new startups, and having my kitchen & dining room floors refinished. It’s going to be a hell week!”

  First World Problems!

• … while grilling out steaks and hamburgers for dinner on a beautiful sunday afternoon…
  Person 1:  “I wish there was somewhere to sit out here.”
  Person 2:  “Yeah.  Say, look at the neighbors back yard.  He seems to have a big pile of perfectly sized logs that we could roll over here and sit on.”
  Person 1:  “Good idea.  I’m sure he won’t care, they’ve been there for several months. I’ll ask him about it tomorrow.”
  … next day in an email ..
  Person 1:  “So I’m sitting outside and I can hear the neighbor in his driveway. Cool, I’ll ask him about taking some logs for seats. As soon as I get around the corner I see that he is splitting the very logs up which we wanted to sit.  Sad.”
  Person 2:  “Noooooooooo!”
  Person 3:  “This is bullshit.”

  First World Problems!